Remember that time when you were just an adorable pregnant gal, and you would answer every question with a firm answer. For example: "I will never do that once I have kids." Oh my gosh...we were so cute, weren't we!? Fast forward to you sitting on the toilet for 25 minutes hiding from your child, while his little fingers keep peeping under the door, and you pretend like he is totally capable and autonomous. Yep, didn't think this would happen when you were beaming with glowy preggo skin, and dreaming of your angel baby, right? Just for fun, let's list a couple of things that show just how naive I was.
20 things I never thought I would do as a mom:
Yell when your kid is yelling. Like am I a one-year-old? No. But does it somehow make me feel better to yell incoherently when my toddler is throwing a fit? Kind of, to be honest.
Walk around the house half-naked when I was learning to nurse. Why did I think I would be ready to put on makeup, and all those cute post-pref clothes right after I delivered? LOL. No. I walked around in a nursing bra, mesh panties, and thermal socks, because I'm practical like that.
Happy meals. Why do you exist? You are so simple. You are so appealing. You are so delicious to my child. You undermine my motherhood. Okay, that last one might have gone too far. But I never thought I would let my little touch fast food, and yet... Getting a soda and a happy meal on a hard day is my go-to move, and I don't feel bad about it.
Let my kid cry it out. Like how barbaric? Yeah, we started that one at 4 months and I've never looked back. Sound proof headphones, check! Sleeping through the night, check!
How about that HILARIOUS one, where you said that you would never make your kids a separate meal, because then they become picky eaters? Right. Good one. Just...Get real. Oscar Meyer and Kraft have my everlasting gratitude.
Letting them make a mess of the floor and table (and self) when they're eating. Yeah, your house is gonna be dirty. So is your kid. Don't let it stress you out too much.
Formula feed. Yes, I know. Controversial. But I, for real, thought I would be able to nurse him up until 1, and then give myself a big, useless pat on the back. Well, little baby teeth proved me wrong. I cherish my breasts, and did not appreciate the rough treatment, thank you very much.
Giving my babe a cell phone. Why do they like them so much?! Probably because I have one in my hand 24/7. I should have realized he was addicted when he could find Youtube on any iPhone in the house. Yeah, time to make some changes. But man, those things are a godsend on road trips and airplanes.
Cry when they hurt you. I am a pretty strong mama (I mean, we all are after the work it took to get our babes here), but sometimes when I get a wooden block thrown at my nose, my hair pulled out, or my leg bit, I cry. And then he cries. And then my husband reconsiders this whole "married with kids" thing.
That weird thing when the mom has to put their leg over their baby's tummy to make sure they don't roll into their diaper or touch themselves when you're trying to get the job done. Why did I think I would never need to do this? Who knows. But yeah this happens every day, so whatever.
Turn everything into a song. Am I the only one? I sing everything? Struggling toddler during a diaper change? Song. Screaming child in the backseat? Turn it into a jaunty tune. Walking around the grocery store and your child keeps trying to stand up? Hum a song so no one can hear all the bad words going through your mind about how DONE you are with the shopping cart battle.
Asking my husband to take a turn getting up at night to rock babe to sleep again. This one is just straight up silly, because, hello he signed up for this parent thing too. But I thought I would just be the super hero SAHM and never make my hubs get up at night. Sorry, not sorry.
I smack my son's hands when he tries to turn the nobs on the stove, stick his finger in a light socket, or bites someone. I thought I would always find a way to be above inflicting that sort of physical and emotional trauma (hah) on my kids. But if they're going to hurt themselves or someone else...Hand slap.
Care what the grandparents did. It's like you become a mom, and then all of a sudden the baby food that your mother-in-law made with sweet potatoes and turnips is NOT going near your child's mouth. What on earth is wrong with me?
Give my son his own cupboard in the kitchen. There is something about being able to pull out all of the tupperware in the cupboard that gives my son immense satisfaction, so if that means he gets a cupboard without a child lock on it and I get a floor full of lids, I'm okay with that.
Make him nap when he doesn't want to. When you're thinking you'll be the cool mom who thinks that a child will always know when they need sleep...Yeah, they don't. If you think he needs to nap at 11:15 a.m. and he cries until he falls asleep, then that's your call mama. Rock on.
Keep them in their pajamas all day. Why did I need to get all of those cute clothes that were all on clearance if I'm just going to keep him in pajamas all day? Well sometimes keeping your kid in his footsie pajamas to make you feel better about staying in your bathrobe all day is just necessary, okay?
I thought that I would always be able to complete simple tasks like laundry, dishes, cleaning, makeup, showering, and dressing while, of course, taking care of the little guy. But then I realized I still needed to feed both of us, make sure he wasn't screaming all day long, and make sure that I was not losing my mind. Choose a couple things to do every day and make sure the rest of your attention is on your babe and yourself. My two cents.
Explaining to my husband what a hard day we had. I thought I should never make him feel like my day was any better or worse than his, because he was working so hard to let me stay home. Silly, I know. But retrospect, am I right? Once he gets home and sees the disaster of a living room, and a hot mess of a wife, I can't help but to emotionally unload on him. Bless that man.
Laugh and smile and kiss and hug and snuggle as much as I do. With all the crazy, hard, negative, and hilarious things that go on when you have kids, the best thing that you can never know is how AMAZING it is to be a mom, and love something so much. XO