When I told my husband the topic for this post, his comedic response was 'Oh that's good, you're an expert at that.'
In all seriousness, this has been an issue for me after both of my babies. With my first, I felt like it was a crime scene 'down there' and had a long and painful recovery. I was also consumed with learning to breastfeed, learning to be a new mom and of course lack of sleep. With my second, I had a much easier recovery, was a little more experienced as a mom, but at my six week appointment, when the doctor gave me the go-ahead, sex was the last thing on my mind.
The good news (I guess) is it is very normal for women to have low sex drive after having a baby. There are many factors that can contribute to this. Lack of sleep is a big one, fear of pain after birth, not confident in postpartum body and emotional and physical drain from baby. Breastfeeding a baby can also cause low libido. Prolactin (a hormone responsible for milk production) is high and suppresses ovulation which lowers your estrogen and therefore libido.
This time around, my baby is seven months old and is completely addicted to my boobs. I'm talking wants to sleep with it in his mouth for 6+ hours straight. So by the time I drag the cute little leech off of my milk makers I do not want to be touched by ANYBODY AT ALL!
my husband we would all really like to know is how can we deal with this. Of course, it is going to be different for every person and every couple, but here are a few things I have found that have helped me find some va-va-voom even during a new baby season:
- Show your spouse the research. It is important to let your husband know that it is not for lack of love or attraction that you are not feeling the burn. Show him the studies, show him the statistics, show him the hormone information and show him this post! It will help him to see that you are not alone, you are not doing this on purpose etc.
- Plan on It. I know it is so lame to 'schedule' sex but for some reason if we plan on it and say 'tomorrow it's going down' I can mentally prepare myself, anticipate it, get excited for it and it is so much easier for me to get in the mood. Of course, it is good to be spontaneous too sometimes, especially if it is your idea;)
- Just Do It! I find that sex is a lot like working out for me. I never want to do it originally. I make excuses and procrastinate putting my running shoes on and actually getting out the door to the gym, but then once I actually get into my work out and finish I feel great and think 'wow I should do that more often, I feel great' The same goes for my love life. Sometimes you just need to say yes and lace up your shoes (so to speak) and you'll most likely be glad you did.