Oh, pregnancy.
You are so beautiful in so many, many ways. You are allowing my body to expand in unimaginable ways to support the tiny little babe inside of me. You are the most incredible miracle that the human body has the ability to perform. But I gotta be honest with you, sometimes you make me miserable.
I don't mean to sound dramatic, but the fact is I'm turning food into a human being! Plus, my fingers are so swollen that I'm not even sure how I'm typing. Therefore, drama is what you're gonna get. When you're pregnant, you start to remember all of those fun things that you could do before you started supporting this little life inside of you. I decided it was time to let you all in on my list of pre-pregnancy things I took for granted. Hopefully you will get a laugh out of all of this while I cry and eat M&M's and watermelon. Together. Help me.
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Taking a full and satisfying breath. That used to be so easy when you had nothing but your own organs to occupy your body. Now I sound the way my mom did before scolding me about a sassy outfit. One big breath and then a quick couple of little snort-like sounds. Not cute. Or comfortable. Sorry mom.
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Seeing my toes; I wonder what they look like up close. I really can't get within about a foot of them no matter what position I try. I wonder if that polish I applied 3o weeks ago is still on. Is it chipped? I hope you're all doing well. I miss you.
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Not referring to everything in terms of how far along you are. Like this: When did we see that movie? Oh, well, I am currently 31.599 weeks along, and we saw that movie back when I didn't have morning sickness anymore, but could still sit for 30 minutes without having to pee, so probably around 22 weeks pregnant. Ew.
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Not peeing my pants...practically. Speaking of going to the bathroom...Could I please step into the bathroom first without almost peeing my pants for the 15th time today?! When you've got a tap dancer on your bladder, and you're drinking enough water to fill up a kiddie pool, you just lose all control. All. Control. Also, I need to go use the bathroom now, so please excuse me.
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Normal eating. How about that super fun time when you were able to eat that perfect amount where you weren't too full, or weren't starving, without feeling like you're going to either barf or pass out from hunger. Yeah, I can't recall because that amount doesn't exist for me while pregnant. I'm on either side of this silly spectrum.
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No heartburn. It would also be nice not to have searing heartburn when I eat or drink anything. Like even when I drink water? I don't think I have ever done anything in my life to deserve having such punishment, and yet here I am. With heartburn. All the time.
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Hugging someone. Being able to hug someone normally is also a fond memory. Now I'm stuck between the awkward one-arm hug to the side, or the full-on-feel-my-baby-kick-you hug. I've gotta be honest...I'm not a huge fan of either of them.
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Normal boob size. Having boobs that fit into a normal bra was such a fun time in my life. I didn't have to worry about looking like a center fold while squeezing into a maternity shirt. Pretty sure my husband is the only one that is appreciating what is happening six inches below my chin. Bless him. But I want a normal chest size back. Too bad though, considering my little angel is going to love them just as much, and demand to see them once she arrives.
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Bending over. When did that get so hard? If I dropped my bobby pin on the floor 31.599 weeks ago, I would have easily bent over, picked it up, and gone about my day. Now I turn around in a circle to see if I can find it (I can't), debate bending over for a closer look (think better of it), and resign myself to the fact that I will probably find a million of them around my house once the baby is born. Or maybe my 2-year-old has been helping me out and hiding them all in a super special place for me...Oh boy.
- Shoes that fit would be nice. Not being able to squeeze into my gym shoes? Understandable since they still aren't completely broken in after about a year and a half. Slip-ons that are actually a half size too big when I am normal? A little less convenient. Having a hard time choosing a pair of flip flops that fit over my puffy, weirdly shaped feet-like things? Demoralizing. It makes me consider just walking around barefoot all the time.