There are some days when I shake my head and wonder why on earth I am so tired and can hardly keep my eyes open while I make lunch for my kids. Today is not one of those days. Today I know why I am so worn out. It's because I was up late last night.
It isn't always this way. I'm not always burning the midnight oil trying to get things done that are impossible with my kids around. But sometimes it is. Sometimes there are weeks filled with late nights. And some late nights are harder than others. But as a SAHM, my late nights are when I do the work that keeps our lives running (mostly) smoothly and do the little things that make my heart happy.
Here's why I'm up late tonight--can you relate?
Tonight I'm up late because I wasn't able to get any of my work done during the day. I had my kids dying to sit in my lap, tug on my clothes, or play with their balloons left over from the long weekend of fun we had as a family. I had to deal with ouchies on knees, arguments over who gets the "good" plate of dinner, and why we can't go to the park this evening.
Tonight I'm up late because I offered to make dozens of treats for a church function this weekend, and there was no one on the sign up sheet when it was passed around. I know that I am busy, and it will take more time out of my week, but I want to help. Even though I'm up at night waiting for the timer to go off so that I can head to bed, I feel like I'm doing my part in my community, and that matters to me.
Tonight I'm up late because my husband is out of town, and I have a hard time sleeping when he's not at home. Even though my rational mind knows that every sound I hear around the house isn't an intruder or a ghost or a monster. Even though I know that my kids are fine and safe and we are all going to wake up in the morning, I find myself scrolling on my phone late into the night because I am anxious without him there.
Tonight I am up late sorting through old baby clothes to help a friend who is expecting her new baby. She knows I'm busy, and I offered to drop them off tomorrow, and don't want to flake. Even though I know that she will understand, it makes me feel guilty knowing that I wouldn't follow through when I promised something. So I sort while watching reruns of my fave show on Netflix and pick out things that will work for her and her new babe.
Tonight I'm up late cleaning the bathrooms in the house because I didn't want to use the harsh chemicals during the day when my kids were so curious about why I was cleaning up. We have family coming into town tomorrow, and I won't have time in the morning before picking them up at the airport, so I scrub toilets and clean sinks as quietly as possible so I don't wake my littles.
Tonight I'm up late because my baby had a fever all day and threw up her dinner. I'm holding her on the couch because putting her back in her crib is too scary for me and because I want to hold her and let her know how much I love her and how I will take care of her even though it means I will be dead tired in the morning when her brother wakes up.
Tonight I'm up late because I needed a couple of hours to do something completely separate from my kids, and I wanted to paint my nails and watch trash TV and pretend that I don't have a million other tasks that could (and should) be getting done as soon as my babies are in bed. Tonight, I want to watch drama and eat junk and not think about anything for a little bit.