Two to Kiss, Two to Love: Baby Comparisons
When I was pregnant with my oldest, I had SEVERAL friends who were also pregnant. One of my friends even had the same due date as me! Once they were all born, I found myself always comparing my baby to their babies. I was always worried my baby was delayed in her development, or if she was doing something before one of the other babies, I found myself thinking, "Oh thank heavens she was the first." How many of you have felt that same way?
But when I was pregnant with my twins, I didn't have friends with babies that were so close in age. So basically, I didn't really have any babies to compare mine too. But wait just a second... they are twins. They have a built-in baby to compare to! This has its pros and cons for sure.
If one twin did something, and the other didn't, I never knew if it was normal, or early, or delayed. If I had more babies to compare to, it would be easy to say my baby is an overachiever or that something might be wrong. But because it was just the two of them, I always found myself worried if one did something and the other didn't.
As you've read in my most recent post, I decided to potty train only one of my twins. I kept thinking I would start the other twin just a few days later, so I didn't have one in diapers for a long time, while the other was already potty trained.
But guess what? Colette, the one I decided was ready to be potty trained, decided she was scared of poop. Tell me...how is a child scared of poop? But, it must be pretty common because there's this whole section on kids who are scared of poop in the potty training guide I use. I've never paid much attention to it since I didn't have this issue with my oldest, but it's totally a thing. We had to work a little extra hard to get her to understand she could poop in the toilet and it wasn't scary. She went from screaming that she was scared of it, to giving me excuses like, "the poop no like the toilet!" Whatever that's supposed to mean. We finally had to implement a reward system where she gets a present, like a book or an activity pad, when she goes poop on the toilet, and it's seemed to do the trick. Let's just keep our fingers crossed on that one.
However, because potty training my one twin proved to be a little more difficult with her than with my oldest daughter, I decided to wait a little longer with the other twin. If my super-interested-and-extremely-ready twin was having difficulty, then what did that mean for my other twin who doesn't really seem to care?
But, it's always been this way. My one twin didn't gain weight as fast, so the doctor said she was "failure to thrive" and wanted therapists to come work with her. However, they didn't have to do anything. In a few weeks, without any intervention, she was eating more than her sister and gaining a ton of weight. Colette started walking before Delilah, and again, doctors were a little worried. However, we gave her a few weeks time, and there she was, RUNNING up a storm at 15-months-old. It kind of sucks to always be compared to your sister.
I've come to learn that Delilah happens to be a silent learner. She watches, she observes, and then all of a sudden, she can do it; sometimes even faster or better than her twin. She doesn't need any therapy, she just needs a little more time sometimes. And compared to other children, she's pretty average.
So how do we stop the comparisons? I've come to realize we just need to relax a little bit; to remember that our kids are different, even if they are twins. Sure, they grew in the same womb, but that doesn't make them the same person.
Sometimes I would find myself saying to my husband something along the lines of, "I think it's so interesting Delilah does this, and Colette doesn't." My husband would laugh at me, and say, "You mean they are two different people?" And I would retort back and say, "But they are twins... so..." and then face palm. Because, really, they are two different people. Two very different people.
So if you're doing this whole comparison thing, it's time to give it up. I promise it's better that way. You'll be way less stressed. And you won't have to worry that they are delayed or that something is wrong. Because most of the time, they are probably just fine.
*The “Two to Kiss, Two to Love” series is a helpful series for all you twin mamas out there! If you have a twin related question, comment below, and I’ll answer it for you!* Featured Image PC: @thecashclan