I'm a SAHM: And I'm Over It
I'm a SAHM and I'm over the comparisons.
I'm over comparing myself to other moms.
I'm over comparing my child to another.
I'm over comparing my daily struggles with my husband's.
I'm over comparing myself at my "best" to myself at my "worst."
Being a SAHM is a lot of things. It is challenging, sweet, rewarding, stressful, aggravating, and hilarious. Unfortunately, it is also something that gets tirelessly picked apart. And today, I'm not talking about how others pick me apart. Even if I know that they do. Right now I'm talking about the way I pick myself apart for what I do everyday as a SAHM, and how I'm so over it.
Everyday when I wake up, I try to hold on to the potential of making it a really great day, and the types of things I could do to make it that way. "I can wake up and go to the gym!" "We can go for a walk to the park!" "I can get all the laundry done and clean the bathrooms!" "I can finally get my son to say, "please!"" "I can make it to 3 p.m. without having a Coke!" All these things and more go through my mind in the morning, and almost at once are replaced by the negativity that gnaws at me to tell me even if I try my best to do everything right today, it still won't be enough. Well I'm over that. I'm over feeling like I can do it all in a single day. I'm over telling myself my best wasn't enough. I'm over pretending like a day spent solely in my pajamas, sitting on the floor of my son's room playing with trains wasn't good enough for anyone else. I'm over it.
If you're anything like me, you have a hard time wrapping your head around the mamas who always look fresh, who go out on the town with their little ones in beautiful clothes and immaculate strollers. The mamas who just look down at your wrinkly, white shirt covered in Cheeto stains, and your stroller that has seen the wrong side of too many PB&J's. And it makes you wonder, "what on earth am I doing wrong?" "Why doesn't my son know his colors yet?" "Should I really be applying for preschool already?" "I didn't think it was a law that my toddler had to have shoes on at the store, but is it?" How can you ever treat yourself like a good mom, when the only thing you think is that you don't measure up? Well I'm over it. I'm over treating my son like he's behind, when he is perfect right where he is. I'm over telling myself that if I drilled him a little harder, he might be a little further along with speech, memorization or recognition. I'm over looking at other kids and other moms and wondering what they're doing at home. I'm over looking to other moms and telling myself they have it all figured out. I'm over it.
Sometimes it can be hard to remember the blissful moment of potential you had that day, especially when you come out of the bathroom, see the bright, lotion smeared face of your 2-year-old, and are now trying to decipher their baby babble as them showing you their newest attraction (my night cream squeezed all over the bathroom tile). When this incident is followed up by a lack of naps, refusing to eat anything but croutons all day, and a bonked head under the kitchen table, the only potential you're seeing is drinking an entire 2 liter before the day is out. Well, I'm over telling myself that messes aren't a part of being a mom. I'm over not being able to laugh along with him. I'm over pretending that everything in my house has to be spotless for us to be happy. I'm over counting every calorie to make sure my diet reflects my ideal body. I'm over it.
I'm a SAHM and I am grateful. I get to see my son as he grows, and watch as he develops and learn, and thankfully I know that I play a huge (if not the hugest) part in that. I know that there are things that I can do better, and things that can help my son more, but right now I am saying NO to comparing myself to the mom that could do all of those things in a single day. I'm over doing that to myself. Because right now, I am looking at a face full of smiles and dimples, and realizing that he thinks I'm doing something right. And I hope you know that you are too, mama. XO