Making friends. It's something you expect to do once or twice in high school, college, and then you're done, right? Wrong. After I got married, I was surprised at how hard it was to make, like, married/couples friends. With four people to please, the factors at play were even more complex! And now that I'm a mom, I'm finding that making mom friends isn't always that simple, either.I probably overthink it, but there's a checklist that must be met, and it's hard to find that diamond in the rough. For instance, I want a mom friend who:
- Can know me intimately without judgment, because #thestruggleisreal and she's dealing with similar things in her life
- Will always tell me what she thinks, unless I really need a pick-me-up compliment
- Will love my child as her own, and discipline them firmly but gently just as I would with her child
- Will listen to me on my hard days and always say the right thing, just as I will do for her
- Has a dynamite sense of humor and doesn't take herself too seriously
- Can deal with my lack of interest in fashion and/or cosmetics without thinking I'm either too high and mighty or just an uggo
I could go on and on, but we all know the danger of making these "dream lists" for our life partner, best couples friends forever, or best mom friends. Life is messy, and people are different. Not everyone you meet will be the exact same as you, and you don't need to think the same about every little thing. But being like-minded about a few certain things certainly helps, so take the above list as you will.
My Tips for Making Mommy Friends:I guess moving to a new state, and being uprooted from all my friends (mostly family), made me stop and take a hard look at how I judged people right away or didn't make an effort to befriend when I should have. What I'm trying to say is that making mom friends can be difficult, but it doesn't have to be impossible. Here are my tips:
- Be open to new types of people. You never know when a lasting friendship might come out of left field or from someone that's "not your type".
- Be nice to everyone. We're all moms and we all need support and kindness. It's just human decency.
- Be inclusive and a go-getter. The best moms out there are ones who plan their own playdate when everyone else is too busy. If you weren't invited to a thing, make your own! Get out there and do stuff and meet moms.
- Utilize technology. Facebook groups, group messaging apps, etc. are all there to help you create and cultivate mom friendships. It's never been easier to get in touch with people.
- Diversify your friend portfolio. Variety is the spice of life, and it certainly makes life more entertaining.