I remember when dating my then-boyfriend (now-husband) there was one night where he was massaging my feet after a long evening working as a waitress. He did almost every single night willingly when I would mention my feet hurting after work. I asked him one night after we were engaged if he would give me nightly foot massages even after we were married and he replied sincerely "of course".
Well we have been married for almost six years now and I don't think I have gotten a foot massage since our last anniversary. That is ok! He is an amazing husband and dad and the point of that story is not to make him look bad at all, but to illustrate that things change once you get married, and again when you have kids. There are many amazing, wonderful changes but it is not always as idealistic or fairytale-ish as you imagine. I do not expect in the least a nightly foot massage, just like he doesn't expect me to always have freshly shaven legs every single day like I used to when we were dating! HA!
Just because things are different though, and you have more responsibilities, and kids, and schedules, and jobs and mortgages etc. doesn't mean that the spark should die and you become as you sometimes hear the dreaded phrase in a marriage 'just roommates'.
So how do you keep the spark alive? How do you make sure you are keeping your marriage exciting when all you want to do at the end of each day is collapse in your bed for some much needed sleep.
Date Night.I know this is so cliche but it is a proven, easy way to keep the spark. With my first baby, I was so nervous to leave him, he was super attached to me and wouldn't take a bottle. I think the first time we went on a date was 9 months after he was born. Looking back, that wasn't healthy for any of us. The date was amazing though, I was giddy and we held hands and I didn't have a diaper bag and even though it was just dinner and a movie, it was such a recharge for us. We still don't have date nights as regularly as we should, but when we do I can't believe how good it feels! I get to see my husband again as a husband and not a dad for a little while and really focus on how funny he is or how nice he is to waiters and kind of fall in love all over again. I've had friends recommend day time dates too if you can swing it. Even if you can't get a babysitter and do a full on date, you can date at home after the kids go to bed. Pick up dessert and light a candle, watch a show together or sit out on the patio and talk about your future dream home.
Write notes to each other.My friend told me her and her husband do this and it sounds like such a good way to be flirty and sweet with each other. Sometimes they will just write sweet little short messages on a scrap piece of paper and tuck it away where they know the other will find it. Or sometimes on special occasions they will write to each other in a back and forth 'love journal' when they are feeling especially loving or grateful for the other. Can you imagine how good that would feel to open to the page and see a new entry from your husband exclaiming how beautiful you are and how much he loves you? It would also be great to look back on what you wrote when you need to be reminded of that love.
Acts of Service.Nothing gets me in the sexy, flirty mood more than watching my husband do the dishes or watching him pack up the kids to take them out for a bit so I can enjoy some alone time. Seriously. Or if I try and think how I can serve him, make his day a little bit better, I am thinking of him more often and am excited to surprise him with his favorite treat or taking care of an errand I know he hates etc.
Take a shower together.Enough said.
Do something new with each other.
Even if it is just trying a new restaurant, sharing a new experience together really can bring you closer and remind you how much fun you have together.
PC: @hellobabybrown & @lindseywiattphotography
Written by Cassie Tremblay