When I found out I was having twins, I was the HAPPIEST person on Earth. And if you're a fan of the Two to Kiss, Two to Love series, you've probably heard me say this 1,000 times or more. In fact, you're probably sick of hearing me say it. So let's talk about the people who find out they are having twins and ARE NOT excited. In fact, they are not only in shock, but are now FREAKING out as they try and process said information.
If you're one of those mamas that was planning on one, but found out your expectations had changed dramatically upon having an ultrasound, I imagine you were like my friend.
The ultrasound tech started the ultrasound, and said, "okay, so here's Baby A.And this is Baby B."
"Baby B?" she asked.
"Yes..." " "I'm having twins?"
"Oh, you didn't know that yet?"
"NO!" she exclaimed.
The ultrasound tech gave her a few minutes to process that information. Her and her husband sat in disbelief. They didn't do any kind of fertility treatments; this just happened. Twins didn't run in her family. She was pretty sure that there would never even be talk of twins. Why would she get twins of all people? But the ultrasound tech needed to finish the ultrasound, and was back at it, showing her the beautiful BABIES she was going to have.
For nine weeks, she was pregnant with one baby, or so she thought. She had started planning the nursery in her head, started making registries for items she knew she wanted, and she was filled with excitement. And then, she had her ultrasound. Everything she had envisioned suddenly had to change. And she wasn't sure how to make sense of it. Everything she was planning would now have to be doubled. It would cost more money to get what she needed, she would need twice the space, and she would need twice the patience. If I told you she wasn't freaked out A LOT, I'd be lying. I would often hear her say, "How does someone take care of TWO babies?!"
And this wasn't a five-minute thought process. She left her ultrasound feeling completely overwhelmed. What would she do with TWO babies? They would need a new car, and possibly a new house since they only had the one extra bedroom. "Where would the babies go?" she kept thinking.
Does this scenario describe you? Have you just found out you're pregnant with twins and are now looking up every help article on how to calm down? Well here's a good start!!
BreatheI want you to breathe. Seriously. Stop right now, set an alarm for one minute, and just breathe. Take big deep breaths at first, then near the end of a minute, return to normal breathing. Don't think about anything else for one minute. Just focus on your breath and how it feels to breathe. Pay attention to your chest expanding and contracting. And if you don't feel a little calmer after this, I want you to do it for another minute. And do it as many times as you need until you have basically eliminated all thought processes, except for thinking about how you breathe. Taking on the twin situation with a clear mind is key.
Feel blessedOnce your mind is a bit more clear, I want you to feel blessed. Remember how your parents would always say, "Eat all your dinner! There are starving children somewhere in the world." This is kind of like that. There are women out there who can't have children and want them. There are women who pay thousands and thousands of dollars to have children, only ending in the hard, cold fact that they cannot. There are parents who spend all their savings to adopt just one child. And there are friends who have lost the one baby they so badly wanted, and could feel kicking in their bodies. Now I know you're probably thinking, "Well, give them one of my twins! I can share!" but it doesn't really work like that. For some reason, you are receiving the miraculous blessing of TWO babies. Feel honored. Feel blessed. With this mentality, having twins is not as overwhelming and daunting as you once thought.
Get a piece of paper and a pencil
Forget the phone. You need paper and a writing utensil. Don't worry. I'll wait. Go, go, go. Waiting...waiting...waiting. Are you back? Excellent. Draw two lines down the paper - making three columns total. In the middle, I want you to write all the things that are FREAKING you out about having twins. On the left side, I want you to give a why to all of those reasons. And on the right side, a solution to them. For instance, "I only have one extra bedroom" would go in the middle. The why would be "Because the babies need their own space and we don't have it!" And your possible solutions will be what works for you!
But, what I want you to focus on is that a lot of these solutions don't have to be immediate! Right now, you're probably only two months pregnant. You have several months to figure this out. Writing down a few solutions right now will be good enough, and then you can refine it as you see fit. You can even write several solutions. Maybe you start looking for a new place to live. Maybe you realize that babies don't need separate rooms, and could realistically sleep in the same room for years. Maybe you figure out that the real problem is that you need two cribs. And buying two cribs, or registering them and getting them as group gifts, is a lot less frightening than having to move. See? Not too scary. Now move onto the next thing that is freaking you out, and go from there.
Breathe againYes, breathe again. Take a minute to go over your list and realize it's all going to be okay. Breathe huge sighs of relief.
Love, love, love those babies!
Touch your belly, and tell those babies how much you love them. Explain to them how excited you are. Or how nervous you are. But talking to them will make you feel so much better.
Now, just get excited! Are you feeling a bit more calm now? I hope so!
A few weeks later, my friend had calmed down and was completely filled with joy. "How many people are blessed with twins after all?" she would say. And today, her twins are her pride and joy. And guess what? She did handle it, she made the changes she needed to, and she's an awesome twin mom.
*The “Two to Kiss, Two to Love” series is a helpful series for all you twin mamas out there! If you have a twin related question, comment below, and I’ll answer it for you!*