Two to Kiss, Two to Love: Why You Should Stop Saying "It's Basically like Having Twins."
Earlier this week, my daughter went on a school field trip, and the twins got to go as well. My one twin, Colette, was mesmerized by everything going on, and was listening more intently than most of the preschool kids. I turned to the owner of the preschool, and said, "Is Colette too young to join preschool?" She responded, "It's okay. It gets easier. I have three kids all one year apart, so basically like your twins. I totally get it."
I was a little taken back by her comment since I was referring to how interested Colette was in the festivities. I was not saying that having twins was hard. But it got me thinking: How often do you hear comments like this? And how do you respond?
How do you feel when someone says, "My kids are really close together. It's basically like having twins..."? Or maybe you even hear people tell you that having their kids close together is harder than having twins.
I imagine some of you are rolling your eyes right about now. You're probably thinking, "Having twins is NOT the same as having two kids close together." And you'd be right. It's not.
But can you really say one situation is harder than another? I honestly don't think so. If I HAD to answer that question (like life or death HAD to), I'd actually error on the side that it's probably harder to have kids who are VERY close together.
For example, what about the mom who has a 10-month-old and a newborn? That's two completely different schedules--two babies with very different needs. With twins, at least they are doing the SAME things. You have general predictability for twin babies.
However, at what age difference does this comment just turn you into the Hulk? Or does it always? Ha! At what point are kids really "close" together? 9 months apart? 19 months apart?
I don't know the answer. But I do know that either way, let's just stop saying it. Either way, parenting is HARD. Every situation is different. Twins present a different situation than someone who has kids close in age. We need to stop the comparisons that don't mean anything. Both have their ups and downs. Both are just... different. Why compare apples to oranges?
I know that that preschool teacher was just trying to be empathetic, even though it had nothing to do with the situation at hand. But she was just trying to lend some support. And shouldn't we all try to be a little more supportive with each other? Shouldn't we try to put ourselves in each other's shoes a little more often?
But, hey, I've never had kids SUPER close together (minus the twins who are 17 minutes apart ;) ). My oldest is 22 months older than her twin sisters. So, really, I'm not qualified to answer that question. You know who is? Some mom out there who has twins, AND two children who are just under a year apart. Ya feel me?
Let's have a little empathy, shall we? Let's love everyone a little more. And most importantly, let's love those twins a little harder today, and remember how big of a blessing they truly are!Featured Image PC: @maxandthemoontwins
*The “Two to Kiss, Two to Love” series is a helpful series for all you twin mamas out there! If you have a twin related question, comment below, and I’ll answer it for you!*